The first time my heart was broken, it was broken slowly. He stopped telling me he loved me, the light in his eyes had dimmed when he looked at me and his hands never left his pockets when he was around me. As each day passed, I felt the cracks in my heart grow more vast. It was slow and excruciating and yet I still stayed. Then one night, it all finally fell apart.
After a good amount of grieving, it only took a single moment to realize I couldn’t let one boy unravel my entire being. My wonderful mom had raised me to be a force of nature, and it would’ve been shameful to have been defeated by someone that wouldn’t matter as much to me in twenty years. So I didn’t wait to feel better like the magazines tell you to, and I didn’t wait for another person to come along and make me better like the movies promise you. I decided that waiting was futile and that getting over a breakup warranted as much effort as getting into a relationship entailed. You don’t move on until you make the conscious effort to.
So here are a few tips to get you started:
Don’t jump into a new relationship to erase your old one. If a significant other is your only source of happiness, you’ll be ruined whenever you find yourself alone. Your partner is someone who should complement you and enhance you, notsomeone who completes you. You aren’t a puzzle piece, useless without its counterpart. You are 100% whole without anyone’s help, and if you’re happy with yourself alone, when the next person comes along, you’ll be even happier!
Focus on yourself. Stop wondering about what your ex is doing; in fact, it’s probably more effective if you unfollowed them on all social media sites you’re on. Don’t wander onto his or her Instagram, don’t scroll through their tweets and for the love of all that is good, do not text or call them. Just focus on yourself instead! Whether it’s bettering yourself professionally, academically or socially, it doesn’t matter; just put you first. You’ve put so much time and effort into putting your ex and your relationship first that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be the priority. At the end of the day, you are the one person you will always be able to undoubtedly trust and depend on, so why wouldn’t you put yourself first?
Work on reconnecting with friends you may have lost along the way. Maybe your entire world was your ex. Maybe you made the mistake of creating a wall between your relationship and the rest of society. It happens. Take this time to reach out to your friends and go out and have fun! Your friends, depending on how understanding they are, will know this is a rough time for you and will shoulder your burdens with you. Let them help heal you. Remember, significant others come and go, but your true friends have stuck around and supported you through it all.
Distract yourself. This is a hard time, and it’s okay to feel helplessly sad. People will try to tell you to move on before you’re ready and that you’re wasting your tears and time. No matter how right they may be, don’t let anyone rush what you’re feeling. It’s okay to mourn the end of something great in your life, remember that. With that being said, don’t let it get you stuck. Find a hobby, get a job, pamper yourself. Yeah, you’ll probably just go home and cry some more, but hey, at least you got out of bed. Give it a little bit of time and soon, you’ll be doing these things and coming home with a smile (aka living your life).
Moving on is a journey all on its own, and it definitely isn’t a walk in the park. I hope you just remember that if your happiness with your partner wasn’t permanent, then neither is the pain you’re feeling now. Nothing is very permanent in this life, so rest assured in the fact that this sadness will end someday. Take these tips and remember that moving on isn’t only about surviving but living. So live your life just as happily as you would’ve lived it with or without a significant other!